Warrior or worrier? The secret to overcoming a worried mind

By Eldad Ben-Moshe ✨ (Reading Time:  3 minutes)

❤ Hi there Better Lifers!

In a culture where everyone is a self-proclaimed "warrior" (I live in northern California...), I am a worrier.

Not because I'm smart;
It's not an "I'm worried about the future of the world" post.
(Although I do worry about that too, and we should).

But because my mind is worried.
All. The. F'ing. Time.
(ok, I exaggerated here. But much more than I'd like it to, that's for sure!)

While I'm an Enneagram 9, I also have a direct line to the Enneagram 6,
with its high sides (e.g., loyalty) and low sides (e.g., worrying even when not necessary).

But as if that's not bad enough...

Then comes my ego/mind and outs me down,
condemns me, and judges me:

"You just worry all the time. You don't trust enough.
You are sabotaging your life, your relationships, your future...
Look at everyone, how free and careless they are.
Get a hold of it, you worrier!"

The secret to overcoming a worried mind

But then  - and that's where it's becoming vital for you -

I do one of the most critical things one can do for their peace, sanity, and growth:

I doubt my ego's report on reality.

I get real with myself, take a good long breath, connect, and check the facts.

I do a reality check.
And then I answer my ego's stories with what I honestly found.

For example, here's what I saw recently:

While it's true that I worry a lot...
Here are the facts about some of the big decisions I made in my life in recent years:

1. 2006: Left an extremely high-paying job with a private office overlooking the beach -
because I suspected they were lying to our customers (I was probably right).

2. 2011: Closed my thriving law, mediation & arbitration offices, and my coaching practice,
left the apartment I was renting for 6 years (5 minutes walk from the beach - yes, I'm a beach boy!),
my country, family, friends, support network, and any form of safety,
put a backpack on my back again and went traveling the world -
this time, without leaving any excuse to return (business, subletting the apartment, etc.).

Now, I know this sounds fun, and it was. 
But leaving all that behind and walking into the unknown?
Terrifying.

And not knowing anyone in my destination or even the language?
Exciting, but also scary.

3. 2016: Decided to leave my amazing nomadic life, get married, and live with my wife in her in her country - on the other side of the world from my family,
her town, her home, her culture, and her network of people.

4. 2018: Take it a step further and consciously have a baby with my wife -
again, in a foreign country, having no plan B,
no well-established resources or support network of my own, as an immigrant and as a man
(which means if something happens to our relationship in the first few years of your child's life?
I'm totally dependent on my wife in terms of being with my child).

5. 2023+2024: As some of my worries came to life, in those years, I faced tough decisions in family court for our divorce. 
As an Enneagram 9, the default is not to fight back even when you should (and yes, sometimes you should).
The worries were incomprehensible, including, of course, seeing my son, who was very young at the time - even more so as the father.
I fought back and won.
Twice. 

So I looked at all that, and other huge decisions I made, and I responded.
I talked back. I told my ego, my mind, my fears:

"You know what? You're right. My mind is worried a lot.
Not all the time; I'm still a chill 9, but it's worried a ton, that's true.

And yet, despite all that, I make super courageous decisions,
decisions that can make or break my entire life,
when I feel called to do that by my inner guidance.

And I make less massive, yet still courageous decisions,
on more minor, daily things,
even when I don't tap into my inner guidance.

So you know what? F you. Back off. You are only partly right.
And you "forgot" to mention the most important parts.
As you so often do.
You're busted again, my friend. You're busted again."

From information to transformation: practical, actionable steps

Your turn:

1. What stories is your mind telling you about yourself, others, and the world?

2. Get real with yourself, take a good long breath, connect, and check the facts.
Do a reality check. Are your ego's/mind's stories true?

3. What is your ego "forgetting" to mention in its "report" on reality?
What is missing that might completely change the ego's judgment?

4. Is the answer to 3 even more impressive if your ego is right about 1?
(for example - my ego is right that I have a very worried mind...
but it "forgot" to mention how often, and how courageously, I overcome it.)

How many of my huge life decisions were made from faith &  trust,
and how doing that despite having a worried mind,
despite being all-too-well-aware of the potential risks - 
makes it even more impressive).

Share your answers in the comments or through the "Contact Us" page.

I personally read every word you write.