The forgotten secret to making better choices

(By Eldad Ben-Moshe ✨ Reading Time: 5 minutes)

Oh, decisions and choices...

One of the most common issues I hear from students, coaching clients,
and friends is a difficulty with making choices,
also known as decision making:

How to choose?

How to make wise decisions?

How to choose from love and not from fear?

Etc.

Different forms for the same issue. 

And it’s a hot, relevant issue.
Google is exploding with info about it,
which means many people are interested in that.

But 99.9% of these results?

1. They’ll give you rules and techniques for making decisions.
   At best, it will work, and that’s ok.
   But it's not enough.
   We’ll get to that in a moment.

2. At worst, it can ruin your life.
   We have different personalities and experiences.
   The differences between us can be extreme.
   What works for me might be the worst advice you’ll ever get.

In short, ‘one advice fits all’ many times leads to disasters. 

Will you give a pill for a headache to someone with a heart attack? 

Or a set of super warm clothes, designed for the arctics, to someone
walking in the heat of the desert?

Of course you won't.
Different situations, different people, different solutions.

‘One advice fits all’ is like ‘one pill cures all.’
More often than not, it’s not a very good idea.

The enneagram is one of the best tools for seeing the
differences between us in terms of how our minds work
and the differences in our personalities. 

For example, the same advice can work for type 1,
but be extremely destructive to a type 7.

What a type 9 needs to do is likely to be exactly what
a type 8 needs to stop doing.

‘But Eldad, when it does work, why do you say it’s still not enough?’

I’m glad you ‘asked’... 😉

What’s lacking is the understanding of how we make decisions -
and why that’s important.

So important that ‘7 steps for decision making’ is a pale toy in comparison,
a car without keys. 

Yes, you can find some rules for decision making that work for some
of the people some of the time.

But the way we make decisions is the same for everybody, all of the time.

Knowing the way it all works, the way our minds work, is much more
powerful and sets you up for much better choices, much more often.

So how do we make decisions? What are our choices based on?

“No belief is neutral.
Every one has the power to dictate each decision you make.
For a decision is a conclusion based on everything that you believe.
It is the outcome of belief, and follows it as surely as does suffering follow guilt“

- A Course in Miracles, Text, 24 - Introduction

You might remember that recently I wrote that we are seeing only
the past (read about it here).
The connection between our beliefs and our decisions is a specific
form of that principle.

For example,
if you believe that you're a failure, that will affect your choice on
whether or not to apply for the job, join the running team,
or approach the lady, or gentleman, across the bar.

If you believe you're a failure, it's far more likely that you'll
do none of those, even if you really want to.
Even if you try, you'll probably be so insecure and clumsy
that your chances to succeed are slim to none.

If, on the other hand, you believe you're great, worthy, and capable, choosing
to do any of those will be an easy and natural thing (or at least easier…).

Your decisions follow your beliefs.

Now here’s the twist in the plot.

While your decisions follow your beliefs,
you also decide what you believe.

Consciously and unconsciously.
But only all the time… ;-)

Which is why all of this is so important. 

‘So how can I best decide what to believe?’

“To learn this course requires willingness to question every value that you hold.
Not one can be kept hidden and obscure but it will jeopardize your learning.
No belief is neutral.
Every one has the power to dictate each decision you make.

For a decision is a conclusion based on everything that you believe.
It is the outcome of belief, and follows it as surely as does suffering
follow guilt and freedom sinlessness. “

- A Course in Miracles, Text, 24 - Introduction

That’s the key right there.
Do you have that willingness - the course often refers to it as ‘the little willingness’ -
to question every value, every belief, every story that you hold?
To come to each situation empty & open-minded?

If I think I know, how can I learn something new?
And if I was wrong - how can I learn that I was wrong if I'm sure that I wasn't? 

“If we already knew everything that everybody knows
We would have nothing to learn tonight”

-Jack johnson, wasting time

Now let's keep it practical:

If you know me by now, you know that I love to keep things practical.
Learning and understanding is great, even essential
but practice is the bridge that leads from information to transformation.

In other words:

Learn -> Practice -> Experience -> Transform™.

Having the courage and willingness to question what you believe
is the secret to making better choices 
as it keeps you open-minded and honest.

Being open-minded and honest, you are more likely to see things as
they are rather than believing your ego’s/mind’s stories about reality.

Seeing things as they are rather than believing your ego’s stories,
you're FAR more likely to make better, wiser choices and healthier,
more loving decisions.

So to make this practical, 
question what you believe  -

1. Your beliefs about yourself (your self-image).

2. Your beliefs about others.

3. Your beliefs about a certain situation, and about life.

Question your stories.

Dare to doubt your mind's report on reality.
You'll be surprised by what you'll find.

And you'll also make better, wiser, healthier choices;
more loving and beneficial decisions,
which will lead to a happier, better, more awakened life.

Isn't that what you really want?

The spiritual point of view:

It all comes down to knowing who you are.

But until you do, and experience that fully all the time,
learning to know how your mind works is one of the most important,
beneficial things you can do.

And done right, it can lead to knowing yourself as well.

Note that the A Course in Miracles is not telling us to get rid of, or ‘kill', our ego. 

I find these words to beautifully address one of the most common mistakes
and misconceptions about the spiritual path -
the thought that we need to get rid of, or 'kill', the ego.

The way I see it, It's not about that.

It's about knowing who we really are.

It's about not identifying with our psychological self (our ego) and our physical
self (our body) as our true self, and with our ego's stories as the truth.

How can we do that?

“To learn this course requires willingness to question every value that you hold.
Not one can be kept hidden and obscure but it will jeopardize your learning.
No belief is neutral.
Every one has the power to dictate each decision you make.

For a decision is a conclusion based on everything that you believe.
It is the outcome of belief, and follows it as surely as does suffering follow
guilt and freedom sinlessness. “

- A Course in Miracles, Text, 24 - Introduction

Questioning every value that you hold also means questioning your true identity. 

All major spiritual paths that I know of have ‘knowing who you really are’ as a
cornerstone, if not the cornerstone, in their curriculum.
Knowing thyself cannot be done as long as you’re sure you already know who you are. 

Final note: You can do this! 

Choose the thing(s) that inspire you the most. 

Don’t over-do it, keep it simple and joyful.

Take one baby step at a time. 

Remember -

• Implement.

• Baby steps.

• Joyfully.

 
Done is better than perfect.

To your better life,
with tons of 💖

 
Eldad Ben-Moshe
Founder, Teacher, and Coach
Better Life Awareness Center